I think we can all say we’ve seen an upward trend of centralizing the woman and her wants in life, while the man is cast in a role for reproduction purposes and royal mess ups only. Currently, culture represents men as either incompetent helpers at home or lustful beings to avoid at all costs—even, as one member of the British Parliament proposed, a 6:00 pm curfew for all men in order to keep the lady folks safe. 

It is no doubt, then, that this will affect the psyche of the women as well. If we are taking our cues from culture then women will believe the lies that they are due our time in the spotlight. They will demand to be heard while strictly succumbing to (or for some, gladly taking up) the curse of the fall— “your desire shall be against your husband” (Genesis 3:16 ESV).

But this is an easier path—maintaining and claiming our lives instead of losing them. It’s easier to aim for the top, the best seat, the front of the line. And we need only to step out of fellowship with Truth for one to two days to meander down this path of our right to fulfilled expectations at whatever cost to our marriages. 

Surrounding all the talk of marriage reform since the Supreme Court decision of 2015, Christians would be ignorant if we didn’t think Biblical marriages were under cultural expectations to revisit its ancient titles and commands.

A hungry monster

In Medieval and Renaissance folklore, there is a monster who is said to have fed on wives. It was called a Chichevache* (shēsh՛vŏsh). When traveling the countryside, husbands would carry a stick on their backs in order to defend their women. Well—some men would. Some women did not necessitate external protection, for they served as their own defense. 

You see, a Chichevache had an appetite for only a special kind of wife—a patient one. It is for this reason that all Chichevaches were especially lean. It seems that there was no real abundance of patient wives in the land. The beasts were on a forced fast.

This folklore served to comment on marriages in a satirical way. If men wanted to keep their wives alive then they had better instruct them to be impatient, disrespectful, slanderers, and probably lazy for good measure. 

But we obviously aren’t stuck in such a folk tradition. We have clear mandates in Scripture of how to live a righteous life worthy of our calling as wives. Our earthly lives may not be contingent on it with ghastly monsters lurking around in hopes of finding a worthy woman—but our immortal lives certainly do depend on it.

The centrality of patience

But in all reality, patience is an ironic virtue. Undoubtedly it comes to mind in the precise moments we wish we had been practicing it with more fervor. 

Stuck in traffic while late for an appointment. Sitting on hold with customer service. Listening to the kindergartener read (maybe that’s just me). Seeing a task undone that should have been done long ago. Being misunderstood. Not receiving your package after the promised 2 day delivery. Realizing month after month you still aren’t pregnant. You get the idea here, and I know you have your own list. 

It is a central part of our faith, for love, kindness, contentment, humility, and faith are inextricably entwined with patience. And I don’t need to provide too much commentary of how quickly we expect life to unfold before us on a pragmatic level—faster delivery, faster highways, faster food, faster worship (30minuteworship.com is a real platform). This type of conditioning has left us wanting results without putting in the effort to yield anything of substance.

Patience, like all fruits of the spirit (Galatians 6), can be fooled by action but not by heart. And we know that “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34), so truly the patient facade has a short shelf life. We need only to look at American women’s roles the last 120 years or so to see this in play.

Passive sanctification

And there are many reasons why a wife would not be patient. 

Take, for instance, a wife who is stewing in her discontent over her absence at some ladies’ night or for missing the lightning deal on another long, chunky-knit sweater—but the familiar kicker: She’s not willing to say anything about it. Instead, she avoids eye contact, roughly handles the laundry, maybe even slams a cabinet or two. 

The husband goes about his day with his work or hobby because he is unaware of the storm clouds surrounding the woman’s temperament. This only increases the wife’s anger—I mean, “frustration.”

The moment her husband neglects to anticipate a need of hers or wrongly identifies her mood she is already setting up a wine night with the girls—they’ll understand, afterall. They don’t require patience in this area.

But Pastor Vodie Bauchum** very wisely and aptly discusses the relationship between a husband and a wife, by commenting, “Any man who has tried to ‘understand’ his wife (or to understand any woman for that matter) knows it’s a sanctifying work.” This has two implications.

1. This is directly speaking to both parties here—for the man it is active sanctification; for the woman it is passive sanctification.

It is active for the man because of what the Lord has charged him with: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). And Ephesians 5 gives handles to wield that directive to understand: love, wash with the word, nourish, cherish, hold fast (vv. 25–26, 29, 31).

He is to actively seek to understand his wife, and it will surely sanctify sins of his like pride, selfishness, and anger. 

It is passive sanctification*** for the wife because of what the Lord has charged her with: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). And 1 Peter 3 gives us our own handles to employ our submission: respectful, pure, gentle, quiet (vv. 2, 4). 

She is to patiently submit to her husband while he endeavors to understand her. Her own sanctification in the areas of impatience, discontent, and grumbling is at stake while her husband is walking in his own calling. 

I think it’s interesting how both of these key marital passages start with the directive to the wife. I’m not aiming to add anything to the Scripture—I’m just observing how often the mood of a dismal household is because the woman is likely not patiently submitting to her husband. 

And again, submitting isn’t just saying yes when the husband makes a life-altering plan for the family. It’s in the small, daily life matters that we are to pick up the tools given us in 1 Peter 3. 

We are to quietly do our work around the house—not bewail the injustice of cleaning up after everyone. We are to respect our husbands by calling out commendable abilities and achievements he has accomplished. We should lead our children to look for such things as well. 

   2. Bauchum is addressing only men in this book, so he lets the women off easy this time. 

But honest and true—we as women don’t understand ourselves most of the time. How much more patient should we be with our husbands who often have to hit a moving target. 

We can throw every excuse at it—hormones, tiredness, overwhelmed, anxiety—but our emotions easily fluctuate more than we change clothes. We’re still called to the same standard God clearly lays out for us in Scripture.

If you find phrases on repeat in your brain like “but I want him to want to do the dishes” or “I’ll do my part once he does his,” then no—you will not be understood. You will, instead, be bitter, unsatisfied, discontent, and, most importantly, found in sin. 

The monster of feminism

Wives, submission necessitates patience. To yield to your husband means to let him go before you in whatever manifestation that holds. Author and speaker Rebekah Merkle**** points out in her book about reclaiming Biblical femininity that Eve was made to be a helper to Adam—that is a clear indicator of our role and our posture as designed by God.

And it’s important to adhere to this standard by God because there’s no doubt that your culture (rather than Chichevache) will certainly eat you up for being patient and submissive. To the world you look weak and foolish for surrendering your ideas. You look like you are killing your dreams and desires in vain. You look like part of the problem for what’s holding women back from that cherished and idolized glass ceiling. 

This is the center of feminism, and it is poison. The ideas that started at the turn of the twentieth century that women must reclaim their own lives in order to be happy and fulfilled has resulted in a devastating divorce rate along with the murdering of millions of the unborn. This is what happens when we step out of Truth and toward emotion. 

And, sadly, it appears the feminism monster isn’t lean like a Chichevache was—it has grown to a magnanimous proportion for it shows no favortism. Its standard is in constant flux as it consistently fails to fulfill its promises of joy and satisfaction, so it must reinvent itself in order to satiate its own appetite. 

Charging with submission and patience

Merkle goes on in chapter 1 with an observation from Matthew 16:18, “And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hell shall not prevail against it” (KJV). 

She comments on how gates are meant to keep people out—it’s the Christians who are to do the charging, and Hell is defending in vain. 

So on we march, but not with weapons of the flesh. We charge, no matter if it’s at a Chichevache or the capricious culture or feminism, with what the Lord has given us: submission, gentleness, respect, purity, and patience.

* “Bycorne and Chychevache” by John Lydgate, 1427

** “Shepherding Lives”, chapter 7

 ***Also a term used by Pastor Bauchum in the same chapter

 ****“Eve in Exile” by Rebekah Merkle, Chapter 1